The Arts

I love the arts.  I have always found musical, crafty, artistic people to be quite interesting; and I greatly value the outlet, or means of expression, that the arts can offer an individual.  As a young person, I loved writing poetry.  I also found comfort in listening to music ~ which I've always thought of as poetry with a melody.  (I'm a folk-singer, lyrical kind of music lover most of the time.)  Even sometimes now, when I feel down, I turn to my writing and my music to heal my wounds.  I want something like that for my children.  I believe our words are just one way in which we communicate and it's such a gift to tap into all the other means...or mediums...which will help us clear our heads, express our desires, fears, anxieties, and joys, and let go.  While I believe some of this is innate, I also believe any/all skills need to be crafted...with the help of others trained in that craft.

Perfect example: There is a young girl in my class this year who has amazing artistic talent.  She told me she began drawing (mostly sketching) when her brother (who has severe special needs) was adopted and had tantrums.  She would lock herself in her room and sketch.  Her artistic skill began to grow; and it was encouraged by her parents and teachers.  In elementary school she won a scholarship for her artwork and she put all of the money towards a year of art classes.  She began taking classes 3 times a week and she's still doing this three years later.  She brought in her portfolio and showed me her paintings.  (She learned to paint in these classes...she was mostly sketching at home.)  She explained how she paints from the back to the front; and how many layers exist in each of her pieces.  She told me of different brush strokes and techniques she's learned; she explained the patience it takes to finish a piece and how she never gives up on a painting even if it's not her favorite.  She spoke of her teacher and how much she has learned from her over the past few years.  Beautiful!

So, while she may have begun drawing on her own, it is with the guidance of an art teacher that her talent and skill were crafted.  I want that for my kids.

So, how do I find that special gift they have...and make it about their talents?

Drew, who is 6 1/2 years old, has always enjoyed music.  But I kind of think: what little kid doesn't like music?  All of my kids have taken music classes as toddlers and enjoyed it!  However, Drew's interest has, in my opinion, been different.  He used to love to play songs in a little Baby Enstein book we had ~ where he could follow the notes by the numbers in the book.  He loved to sit at the piano and gently stroke the keys.  He loves singing; and he loves making up rhymes (like me!).  Now he's been taking piano lessons for about 4 months, usually once a week, but sometimes not so often.  Not only was he already reading notes after his first lesson, but a few really cool things have happened since his lessons started...

*He has gone to the piano during moments of frustration and practiced his songs.
How cool is it that he could be upset and find some comfort in playing music?


*He has written his own song ~ lyrics and music.
Granted the song was about Chico, our cat, and how great he is...but isn't it amazing that he would let words flow from his head to paper and then bring those words down to the piano to write the music?


*He has gone to the piano, with no music sheet in front of him, and played around til he created the first few notes of a song he learned at school.  He then played them for his teacher and she recognized the song!  Replicating a song after only a few months of lessons?  Isn't that awesome!?!


I think Drew might have a talent here.  He may not end up being Mozart, and I'm totally ok with that, but he may end up being someone who writes music when he feels sad, or jams with friends on the weekend, or appreciates music and plays piano at home.  Who knows!  As his parent, I want to be tuned in to what he is good at and interested in ~ tossing my talents and dreams aside ~ and allow him opportunities to grow in ways I can not support.  I can't help him develop a talent I don't share.  But I can get him a good teacher.  I can listen when he plays.  I can tell him how amazing he is.  I can be his biggest fan.  And I can hope that maybe these lessons will allow him to really develop a gift...and discover a place he can turn when he is sad...a gift he can be proud of and share with others.

This doesn't mean every kid needs to play an instrument - or even that all three of mine will.  I don't know yet.  I don't see the same draw to music in the other two yet.  But I'm tuning in to them all, and trying to learn what teachers they might need to grow in ways that are true to who they are.

I'm watching.

I'm listening.

So Thankful...

These three little people bring me so much joy; and for them, I am so thankful. I like to keep it real and I'm not ashamed to say this parenting gig is HARD WORK and at times, simply overwhelming. And while I may lose my cool or miss my ME time, I am filled with so much love and joy when I think about, hold, spend time with...these three. They are clever, creative, silly, affectionate, thoughtful, and loads of fun!

At this time of year, more than any other, "we" are reflective about what is good in our lives, how we can show kindness & appreciation, and what it means to give. This holiday I'd like to give the kids a little bit more of ME. A little less frustrated mommy, a little less tired mommy, a little less busy-at-the-computer mommy. A little more on-the-floor-playing mommy, a little more organized, patient, punctual, prepared, and calm mommy. I think that is the best gift I can give.

It's not easy being a parent. It's not easy being a young kid either. Life is filled with challenges...it's about how we meet (and overcome) those challenges. We need to make the good moments GREAT and put the stresses away while we play. They won't be young forever; and I know I'll miss this chaotic time of life. I love them and appreciate the joy they bring me every day. I love that they embrace me as their mom - for better or worse - and appreciate that they let me sing and dance and laugh and hike and play and color and snuggle....with them.

I'm so thankful for my beautiful children, my amazing partner, and all the blessings I've received.

xoxo

Letting go...

I've never been good at letting go...of anything! I like change; I love adventure; I hate endings and goodbyes. I've spent much of this year preparing myself that at some point Melia would move into her own room...and breastfeeding would come to an end. I expected it would happen sometime this summer so I had ample time to emotionally prepare myself for this big change. On nights when Melia woke multiple times, or mornings when she was awake before 6am, I'd feel really ready for this change. I bought the new queen bed linens, a cute lamp, valences, a big decal for her wall (a beautiful tree)...Chris and I picked out paint colors and I begged him to start painting. It took many nights of hard work (he painted the trim, the walls, the doors!) and the room was finally complete. On September 1st, Melia, 20 months of age, moved into her beautiful big girl room ~ just next door to me.

She did great! We spent a good amount of time playing and reading books in there in the days leading up to the big move. She was happy in her bright new room. And when it was time to turn off the lights, she said, "night night" as she's done every night for quite some time.

I didn't expect it to be that easy. For her.

I cried. I wept for the baby who was no longer a baby. I thought of how I'd always been RIGHT THERE to meet her every need; and how awesome that has felt. I was overcome with love for this little girl...who is turning into a confident, independent, strong person. I felt a bit sad that she didn't need me anymore. Of course she needs me, but not the way she's needed me for months gone by. Things are different now.

I am happy that this has not been stressful for her. She seems to really like her new space. She's been less emotional about this transition than me, but that's ok. And, along with a new room, I think the end of our nursing relationship is eminent. I've decided I won't offer, but wait for her to ask. Last night, she was ready for bed after we snuggled and read several books...and I held her tight and said good night. I can't keep offering because I want it to continue. I need to follow her lead. She is ready. I must be too.

I disagree when people say "it's about time." It was never about time at all. It was about a mom and her little girl feeling ready for a big change. We were ready in our own time.

And now, I've been sleeping a bit deeper and a bit longer...enjoying some quiet time in my room before slumber (with lights on!). I will admit, I'm running into her room pretty quickly when she wakes up (which today was 8am!!); and it brings me great joy to see her big smile. I never imagined loving with this kind of intensity. She amazes me and fills my heart.

My big girl.

xoxo

Little Boys Rock BUT...

Sometimes it's nice to just be with a little girl...or two...or six! Today I hosted a Tea & Cakes party for Melia and a few friends (all with one year old girls...no older siblings and no boys!). It was such fun!

We often talk about how important it is for each child to get parent-alone time...and it's equally important, in my opinion, that they get peer-alone time. I noticed it was an adjustment for Melia to be among 1 yr. old babes. She is typically with older kids (mostly boys) and she gets away with a LOT. Today she had to take turns and share everything...without being indulged for simply being the "baby."

It's also incredibly nice to have JUST ONE CHILD when I'm used to being with three! I felt spoiled by the ease of the whole morning.

And this weekend I had the pleasure of dining out with JUST DEAN, the middle child, who is now 4 yrs old. Yesterday, Daddy took JUST DREW to the beach where they enjoyed swimming, surfing, and hanging out...sans siblings. So, everyone got their turn this weekend :) We try to be fair; we try to be in tune with what each child needs and when they need it. It's a lot of work...and it means my hubby and I spent a few hours apart on both Saturday and Sunday ~ which is typically our time to enjoy each other as well as the kids. BUT, it was worth it. Worth it to make each child feel important. And we all hung out together last night at a friend's house; and hubby & I spent quality time together after they went to bed. I'd say it was a win-win-win-win-win...all around!

June 23, 2011

Today is DEAN'S FOURTH BIRTHDAY!

I remember clearly the hot summer day when Dean was born. I wrote about it here and honestly remember it as clearly now as I did when writing! Dean is an amazing little guy: loving, silly, creative, shy, artistic, funny, smart, thoughtful, playful, ... and super cute :)

Today is also the day Drew will graduate from Kindergarten

I can't believe his first year of elementary school is finished (well, almost). This year has been SO transformative. Drew has learned to READ, WRITE, do MATH, keep a journal,...he's learned about planets, space, our environment & state, how trees become wood, how to be a good friend, dinosaurs and mammals, 3-dimensional art... His kindergarten teacher, Mrs. B, was loving, kind, science-oriented, fun, free-spirited, and perfect for Drew! I can NOT believe he'll be in first grade in September.

And today Melia pooped in the potty without my soliciting it!

Ok, I am missing the perfect potty shot here...but had to include a picture ;) Melia has peed and pooped on the potty before, but today she said "poo poo" and went over to the potty and sat down. So cool! I would be beyond excited if she potty trained this summer!!

These things I know to be true...

I have my own words of wisdom ~ led by my own experiences ~ which I share often. These are the things I know to be true. This is for the mamas...

We are more alike than we are different

Whether you are breast or bottle feeding, co-sleeping or far away from your baby...you are doing the best you can do for your family. We can have different experiences, different perceptions, different values, but we all love our babies.

Anything goes in the first few months

Don't sweat it if you're taking naps with your baby, letting him sleep on your chest - or in the swing, carseat, stroller. Don't worry if you nurse, rock, hold, bounce your baby to sleep. Forgive yourself for creating any bad habits. Whatever you need to do so you all get some rest, do!

BAD HABITS CAN BE BROKEN

If it isn't a problem for YOU, then it's not a problem

People always want to know if they should sleep train their child who's waking once or twice a night to feed. Sometimes they are completely exhausted and frustrated...and I share information with them regarding sleep training. Other times they are totally fine with it, but worry everyone thinks something is wrong. If you don't mind, who cares what other people think! And it reminds me,

If someone asks you if your baby is sleeping through the night,

SAY YES!

This too shall pass

I may never forget the days of colic, or the anxiety of bedtime, or the drama among kids, and that's fine. What I do know is that it will end. It's will be a part of the past someday. And we'll have new challenges. Something really difficult - or frustrating - today, will not be an issue tomorrow. We just need to make it through THIS moment. Stages and phases...it's all stages and phases. And no,

The grass is not greener on the other side

Once you go there, you can't go back

This is how I think of food: Start with plain yogurt - because after you eat the vanilla you'll never want the plain. Or, don't give the kids artificial sweeteners because the real fruit tastes so sweet! And it makes sense in other ways: Once you use food or reward incentives - or, on the contrary, punishments - to movitate behaviors, you may find yourself in a rut. So, start simple. Simple foods. Simple routines. Simple structures. Simple behaviors.

Cherish the relationship with your partner

It's hard to make time for relationships when you've been giving so much to a child/children all day. However, in 18 years the children will be moving forward with their own lives; and wouldn't it be nice to have your partner, your best friend by your side? Aren't you both worth it?
Relationships take work

Work at it

Spring

SPRING FUN! We've been having a great time outdoors...enjoying the warmer weather!

We went to our friend Harlyn's house where we held chicks, saw 200 bees, fed worms to the hen and roosters, picked flowers, was gifted chives to plant, and had lots of fun!!

Diamond Hill State Park

Cumberland, RI

Feeding the animals at Healey's Farm

(which, by the way, is just beyond our woods...in our own backyard!)

Good Grief!

Dear Grief,

You take me by surprise...as though I'm completely unaware that you're following me...and turn my day upside down. You remind me of what I've lost. You bring floods of emotion which pour through my eyes and stream down my face. You show me life ~ the cycle of life ~ and remind me of what else I might loose one day. Yet somehow, swirling around the despair, you bring me strength. You invite me to remember the good times, the words of encouragement and praise, the unconditional love, the deep connection. You encourage me to move forward. You shout, "LOVE! LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR MOTHER..." because we know how quickly time passes and that nothing is forever. You throw me from my comfortable place into a world both scary and true: the present. Live in the present. Maybe, dear grief, you bring a gift with you. A gift which reminds us of how precious each one is, how fleeting the moment shall be, and that we must appreciate it now.

And with that, I bid farewell. I am off to PLAY!

~kristen